Ohio Is For Lovers
by Spunky Lily
Summary: The next-generation Scoobies face some serious problems when they learn of their strange origins, and a fertility goddess disgused as a teenager rolls into town to wreak havoc upon the kids... and adults.
1. Chapter One

**Disclaimer: **Canon characters belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy, plot (derived from 'The Beltane Babies Challenge') belongs to gidgetgirl, and Vivie, Tobias, Mya, Gisele, Cody, Candace, Flora, the Armstrong High teachers and principal, and Regina, however, do belong to me. Ask if you want to use them! I'm always willing to share

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**Ohio Is For Lovers**

**Chapter One**

_"I hope I shall be able to confide in you completely, as I have never been able to do in anyone before, and I hope that you will be a great support and comfort to me."  
—Anne Frank, first diary entry (June 12, 1942)_

* * *

_January 27th, 2016_

Vivie Summers, Slay Gal II, speaking. Well, writing. You know what I mean.

Well, as long as I'm going into Anne Frank (minus the Holocaust, I hope) mode with this spanking new diary, I may as well explain the strangeness that is my life.

As aforementioned, I am Vivie, which is probably derived from some horrible Irish name that I don't even know about, but at this very second, I'm just Vivie. Woo hoo. But the thing is, I'm not what most would define as normal. For one, I'm the spawn of a vampire slayer and, go figure, a bloodsucking fiend. Well, he's not really that much of a fiend. He's really like a… um… a—a little bunny with fangs… no, that's _really _scary… I mean, hello, _Monty Python _much? Anyway, point is, the reason my life is probably so weird is because it's in my lineage. In theory, I'm not even supposed to exist. Dead people can't have live kiddos. But, here I am, talking to you, whoever you may be, and if you're Cody or, for that matter, any of my friends or family, GET OUT RIGHT NOW, OR I WILL USE THAT VOODOO THINGIE I GOT!

Oh, and my dad, he's, like, a detective. 'Angel Investigations'. How cool is that? On the other hand, Mom just got a job as a school psychologist for _our _school… one of Cleveland's many fine public schools, Armstrong High. Mom isn't even that good with crisises! If she can't handle her own, why handle other people's? Not to be all rude and say my mom is a psychopath, even if a name like Buffy makes her sound like one.

I really need to actually stay on track when I talk about stuff. Oh well.

Well, as long as I've got the oldsters covered, I should get onto my friends. The thing is, we're all born within about four days of each other, all _six _of us. Me, Tobias, Mya, Gisele, Cody, and Candace. All of our parents were friends, or in totally googly-eye mode for each other, and we just happen to be born really close to each other. It's like they had an orgy—oh, God, scary place, scary place! Ew!

Because of this, we were much raised like, say, a pack of ravenous, annoying little wolves with superpowers. When the adult portion of the gang was out hunting for deer, or, in this case, working, one of the mothers would stay behind and take care of us. It was a circulating babysitting job, and it was one of the toughest around. But, wow, were we close. I don't even have an individual baby picture; there are usually three or four other little cubs with me in it. Not literally, since, you know, the wolf pack thing was one of those insightful metaphors, but you catch my drift, right?

First, there's the awesomeness that is me; blonde bombshell (not really, but I do have this insanely long blonde 'mane' as I so close to dub it), boy magnet (well, this one I'm serious about… but I've got the whole "love 'em and leave 'em" approach to the whole situation), and… um… I fly. Well, usually just levitate a few feet off of the ground with no 'ohm'-ing required, except for when I was about four, and I _flew_. Not like a little songbird, like an eagle or something, and I landed in this jinormous tree that was jutting about twenty or thirty feet in the air, and I looked down, and I couldn't fly down to the ground. It took at least three hours for the firefighters (even with the cherry pickers) to get me down from there. Very traumatizing. Mom was even crying and stuff (see, she is a non-crisis person!). It was actually kind of funny, now that I think about it. Imagining my mother as a big gushy mess is a humor that few understand.

Next, we've got Tobias Wyndam-Price, resident static boy. He's got to have about three pounds of gel to actually hold his hair down, or else it's a big, red, frizzy Jewfro. Y'see, he's got this whole thing that he classifies as 'electrokinesis', but it's not as cool as it sounds. It just basically means he's got electric powers, like shooting out electricity like he's the almighty Zeus, or going really, _really _fast, harnessing the power of a lightning bolt. I've got to hand it to ole Toby; he can give the Flash a run for his money. But, he's as geeky as the geeky come, I mean, for God's sake, he knows just about every human language fluently (he really does; he made our grumpy old Spanish teacher, Mr. Alfonso, quit), and a few demon ones, too. And he was the incarnation of Linus from Peanuts when he was a little kid, walking around with that stupid blanket and his thumb jammed in his mouth. Hell, I even sometimes catch him thumbsucking now, but then he moves his finger and casually rubs his nose if he notices, and denies anything. What a dork. He's a lot like his parents, or so my own say. His dad was a Watcher turned employee for Dad; named Wesley (what a cool name… whoa… did I just call Wesley cool? Ew.)… and his mom's a witch, Willow. She's _totally_ cool. If only my mom were like that, but alas, my mom has to be Ms. 'Look-At-Me-I'm-Totally-Embarrassing'.

After Mr. Dork, we have Ms. Osbourne… Mya Osbourne, who happens to be totally cool, no matter what she tells you. She's so shy, and, keep in mind that I'm not a lesbian here, and really, really pretty. And, wow, she has a voice like an angel. Not Dad Angel, because, no offense to Dad, but, he cannot sing the Barry Manilow. Like seraphim kind of angel. But, what does Mya do? She doesn't even _look _at the chorus signup sheet! Don't get me wrong, I love her, I really do, but still—yeah. She even has a power that suits her; she can turn invisible. I kid you not. One time, in Algebra, Mrs. Rollins called on her, and poof! She was gone. Everyone was really weirded out. I mean, you don't normally see a person disappear. But we live on a hellmouth—always have, first in Sunnydale, now Cleveland. As I was saying… oh, yeah, Mya… well, she's also the spawn of a witch, named Tara (who also happens to be immensely cool, why don't I get mildly cool parents?), and a werewolf, Oz (I'm not sure that's his real name, but still, very, very awesome).

My fellow half-Slayer, half-vampire isn't nearly as cool as I am. You don't get much of the amazingness with a name like Gisele. And yet, she happens to be so—I don't know, fiery? What an ironic term, since, ha ha, her power is setting stuff on fire. Like clothes, people's hair (don't even get me started on the aunt-Cordy's-birthday-party-incident of '05), and once, she made her already slightly maimed Barbie doll (we all had those—with the scary haircuts and missing limbs) burst into flames when she got _really _angry. She's a literal hothead, I guess. Gisele, as many of my friends do, have awe-aspiring parents; Spike, or, as I dub him, Captain Peroxide (and he dubs me pimpstress—I only have _two _boyfriends!) and Faith, who is like the cool chaperone at the prom who slips the booze around.

And then there's Candace, who's such a lucky little biznatch—she can actually, like, make herself look different. I mean, it's not like she's an Animorph and can turn into a dog or something, she can just change certain aspects of what she appears to be. Like, she can make herself look older, walk into some club where there's lots of booze, then transform back into her regular old self so she can hit on some guy. Well, actually, no one knows what Candace's regular old self _is_. The only real telltale sign is in her eyes, which are this really creepy velvet black color that always have this mischievous glint when she's about to do something really stupid. Which has a tendency to happen when you're on a hellmouth. Anyway, her mom, Cordelia (what a name, huh?) works for Dad at the detective agency as a secretary, and her dad, Riley, works for the feds. Like most couples in Cleveland, very, very strange.

Last, and certainly not least, is Cody Harris, Mr. Pervert himself. Okay, he's not that bad, but come on! Just because he has all types of visions (x-ray, premonitions, etc.), doesn't give the guy permission to look through to the girl's locker room! But, he is really, really funny, his penchant for goofiness sometimes getting him on the wrong side of our teachers and Principal Ewing. Well, he does get on the good side of Dawn a lot, since she's our Watcher, and appreciates his humor. While none of us are Slayers, we do fight for truth, justice, and the American way (go Superman reference!), and Dawn sort of… guides us. She's the photography and journalism teacher at the school, so, naturally, we sign up for every class we can get with her. She's the wo-man, and happens to be my aunt. But, anyway, as long as I'm going with this, Cody's parents are Xander (took me a while to figure out that was actually short for Alexander) and Anya.

Phew, that took a lot of leadpower.

Tomorrow, we get back from the long, four-day weekend (thanks to this really weird blizzard that cancelled school for two days, plus the weekend), and back to Hell High. As you can see, I'm not too thrilled about going back. But, on the plus side, my birthday (February 2nd) is in a week! Yay!

Tootles,

Vivie


	2. Chapter Two

**Ohio Is For Lovers**

**Chapter Two**

_"__Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know  
like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart…__"_

_—Brand New, 'Seventy Times Seven'_

* * *

"Sorry I—Hallie was projectile vomiting," Cody managed to state his excuse for his absence from the bus stop, a slab of old concrete riddled with crevices and, at this time of year, encased in a thick layer of ice. The five other teens huddled on the street corner, under layers of coats that made them resemble multicolored marshmallows with heads. "Scary stuff."

"Poor Hallie," Candace offered sympathetically, twirling her currently deep brunette—almost black—hair, riddled with blue glitter. "She's only, like, three, right?"

"One point for Miss Congeniality," said Cody, his voice laced in sarcasm as he clapped, stirring the steam emitting from their mouths as they breathed. Candace shot a cold glare to rival even the midwinter weather they were facing. She even parted her lips to counter with a comeback, but she was interrupted by the startling, erratic appearance of Gisele's voice.

"Check it out, fresh meat."

Of course, the teenage girl wasn't referring to a slab of veal or something of the like lying in the street, but a gangly female, clad in a floral, frilly dress, ridiculously insensible high-heels, and a thin, leaf green blazer. She seemed incredibly frustrated, and her lower jaw vibrated from the cold and her lack of a reasonable outfit for the weather. Even her recently shaved legs couldn't hide tiny hairs missed here and there, jutting out conspicuously like a tree in a barren field during a thunderstorm. But, despite her obvious ditziness (who wears a dress in the middle of wintry weather?), she emanated beauty; she had brunette curls falling a few inches past her shoulders, flashing brown eyes, and a face that didn't need makeup, but was adorned with it, anyway.

"Who is that?" Cody asked, showing noticeable interest in the girl, his eyes mostly making their way to her chest.

"No clue," Vivie answered, detecting the sudden arrival of blue flecks in Cody's eyes, and slapped him out of focus.

"_What_?" said Cody innocently.

"No x-raying the new kid," the blonde commanded sternly.

"You're no fun."

"That's the beauty of being a Summers."

There was a long pause, and Mya yanked a pair of mittens from her pockets and asked tentatively, "So, Candy… an-any news on the dad front?"

Candace gave a slightly annoyed glance at Mya, but immediately regretted it. "He's not coming home for a while, and Mom's pissed off royalty."

"Sounds like the aunty Cordy I know well," Tobias smiled fondly as the mystery girl disappeared behind a parked car. "Big on the whole melodrama movement."

"You saying my mom's melodramatic, tweed man?" Candace hissed defensively.

"Whoa, we have a true demonstration of genetics," Cody observed, Candace smacking him on the arm with her three-inch-nails, leaving three jagged gashes in the jacket. The nails suddenly returned to their smaller perfection. "God, woman…"

"Note to self: Never underestimate the power of a Finn supermanicure," Vivie mused with a sly smile.

* * *

"Disciples, I need followers who shall assist in my objective," the teenager muttered to herself, eyeing the group of six over her shoulder. "Oh, if only Father could see me now! Minor goddess, no more!" she cackled. "But—still, the task at hand. Appointing worthy pupils to my cause…"

Flora, goddess presiding over flowers and fertility, shivered as she sauntered to the school, quite a few miles away. If she was not restricted to this mortal body, she could've easily had roses spring forth from beneath her feet and have a wave of spring wash over this frozen city. But, not fully adjusted to this plane of existence, she still had yet to comprehend the concept of winter. In her little world, it was like a Disney movie; flora and fauna and all that jazz with she as one of its belittled monarchs. Incompetent fools, they were, for shunning her. For insisting that they had no rule over the earth… look at what she had accomplished here! Not fifteen years ago, she'd made the group of Earth's defenders perform for her, in honor of _her_. Hah! The other gods and goddesses were idiots; she was still honored here, whether the others liked it or not. They were simply jealous, that was it.

As the crowd of humans she'd deemed unworthy slowly grew smaller in the distance, three girls approached from her side, whispering and making awkward glances at her. "Insolent mutants, half-lives…" she murmured under her breath. "Disgusting. Perfect." She paused, and put on a million-watt grin. "Greetings, females, may I converse with your 'clique'?"

The one in the middle, their ringleader, obviously, returned, "Whoa, are you, like, the new foreign exchange student? You talk weird."

"Who is this 'foreign exchange student' of which you speak so distastefully?"

"Okay, girls, new F.E.S.," the gawking leader said, not really paying attention to what Flora was saying. "Hot or not?"

"Hot. She's, like, what's the word? Literate. Doc Mattison will _love _her, and therefore, she'll love us, and we'll get A's in her English class. If not, we can always persuade those nerdy TA's."

"Totally agree, Jamie. Hot."

"So," their head began. "I'm Regina, this is Jamie, and this is Georgette. And you are?"

"Flora," _you should quake and bow before my royal name, and be gladdened you have heard its lovely rings running through your brainless bodies, you Neanderthals, _she added silently.

"Ooh, so hot." Georgette squawked.

"So, how's England or whatever?" Regina began as they all walked to the school. "You _have_ to fill me in on the London fashions. I don't want to be out of date, y'know?"

* * *

_May 2000_

_"What the hell are we supposed to do now?" Faith asked of the entire room of slightly shameful looking members of the Scoobies and Fang Gang. "How do we do this? I mean, it's not like we're equipped to handle something like this."_

_"My mom is going to kill me," said Willow hollowly, sitting on the top of Cordelia's desk, wrapping her arms protectively around her legs. "And—how am I supposed to explain this? 'Oh, yeah, I just j-jumped this one guy I kinda don't really know just 'cause I felt like it'?"_

_"The feeling's mutual, Will," Buffy assured her. "I mean, this isn't physically possible. Angel and Spike are vampires. Vamps are dead and—well, no babies for vampies. It was a biological thing to make sure that they didn't eat their kiddos. And—"_

_"Yeah, we get it, B, spare a speech," Faith recommended._

_"I wasn't going to do a speech!" Buffy said defensively._

_"Yes, you were," said Cordelia. "We all have the little red light that goes off once pep talks commence. Don't fight the little red light."_

_"Stupid red light." Buffy pouted, a bit deflated by her lack of a mentally prepared speech about how it was all going to be alright and that life would go on. But… it wouldn't be the same. They all knew it. Buffy had lost Riley, Willow and Tara had lost each other right when they'd only started… Xander and Anya were still at a go, but how long was that going to last with a _baby_? They were still kids themselves. Scared little kids who were so confused about what had just happened. The randomness of the whole sex fest. One minute, they were all just… talking, really. Then, BOOM! Cordelia and Riley. Tara and Oz. Willow and Wesley. Faith and Spike. Buffy and Angel. Xander and Anya. All on top of each other, all listening to their bodies' intimate cravings without a second thought. And now, the girls were all pregnant. All six of them. And, quite obviously, it was going to be hard._

_"I say we do some research, see what happened," Wesley suggested._

_"I'm all for research mode." Willow said with an enthusiasm gained back._

_"Good," Buffy smiled. "We might need to know what the hell is going on before we do anything. Until then… I don't know…"_

_"We tell our parents?" Xander interjected. "Oh, that's gonna go over really well."_

_"How do think _I_ feel, rat boy?" Cordelia jeered. "I barely _met _Riley."_

_"Well, 'least you got a good shag outta him." Spike inserted inappropriately, and grinned._

_"Shut up, dead boy the sequel!" Cordelia commanded._

_"I know, I know… but—" Buffy was cut off by Angel._

_"I know what's happening," he said slowly, quieting the whole room. "Beltane."_


End file.
